'Til Daddy Takes the T-Bird Away

Last week my friend, and fellow blogger, wrote a piece on her love of retro futurism in home design. I may have played a small role. You see, we had a brief discussion on 1950’s design and she ran with it from her way so I decided to run with mine.

As a kid one Christmas I got a 1957 Chevy Bel-Air Convertible Barbie car. Love is the only word I could use to describe how I felt about that car. I lost interest in the Ferrier I already had, it just wasn’t as cool. For years the Chevy stayed in my closet because I couldn’t bear to part with it. It came to represent a time in history I will never be a part of but will always have a fascination with.

Because of that toy car I now drool at the site of any automobile influenced by the Space Race. I mean, just look at the ’57 Chevy. It actually looks like it could take off and land on the moon! The chrome accentuates in all the right places and the instrument panel looks like it came straight off a rocket ship. Sadly though, it’s not the kind of car I would like to drive.

During the late 1940s and early 50’s members of The Greatest Generation came home from World War II, got married, and moved to the suburbs. The working class man needed a vehicle he could not only commute in but also take his wife, 2.5 children and the family dog on a picnic or to a drive-in movie or something. Gas was also $0.25 a gallon then. By today’s standards this car runs like glue and guzzles gas. But at least it still looks good.

As long as there was Cold War tension there were museum quality car designs. Even England and France got in on the act with their Austin Healey, Jaguar MK II, and Renault Caravelle. I’d drive the Jag or the Healey in a heartbeat. I’m not picky.

But, alas, it seems the minute Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon Americans gave up on producing beautiful cars. The 70s were a confusing time for motor vehicles. And, in truth, it was a confusing time for America. How else can you explain the AMC Pacer? It screams “does my butt look big in this?” and I just don’t get it. Wayne of Wayne’s World drove a Pacer and it was a giant joke. These were not the cars that inspired the Beach Boy. And the 80’s weren’t much help.

Enter the DeLorean. In three of the greatest movies of all time this was a car that literally transcended time and space. But it was ugly and completely rubbish but it, too, looked out of this world (in an art gallery far, far away). This was supposed to be the car of the future. Until the company went belly up.

To be honest, I’m not looking forward to the cars of the future. I found a picture of a Mazda Kaan (see below) that looks like a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Hopefully it will never go to production. Even if it does look like a rocket ship. I’m sure it’s environmentally friendly and it probably comes part easily for cleaning and storage.

No, the future of car design doesn’t not excite me much. Nothing seems to compare to the design of the 50s/ 60s era. Perhaps it never will. You see, I live on what’s known as the Space Coast of Florida. I grew up here. Every other school field trip I took was to Kennedy Space Center. And now I’m counting down the days to the last ever shuttle flight. Or at least until funding is restored, which may not happen for years. So it seems America is out of what’s left of the Space Race.

It was good while it lasted. And some designs really have lasted. Take the Ford GT, for example. Originally built in the early 60s the GT40 looked fasted because it was fast. It may not have appeared as if it drove off the pages of a 194- Sci Fi poster but in most ways it looked out of this world without being alien. But here’s the thing, the overall design hasn’t changed much, it’s only been tweaked. The GT still exists today, proving great design really is timeless.


I just hope that time is somewhere around 1957.

More Top Gear? Yes, Please.

As I may have mentioned before, I have mono. Thankfully I’m at the tail end of it all but there was a period of about three weeks when I was so bad water was difficult to drink. I didn’t care what was going on in the world. Howler monkeys and dandelions could have rained down to take over and I wouldn’t have carried less. All I wanted to do was sleep and watch Top Gear.

And that’s exactly what I did. For the least two months I’ve barely missed an episode on BBC America. Most of the time I don’t even know what Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May are talking about. I’m not really a car person. But I dreamt I was.

Let me explain. Between naps I’d wake up in time for the show and then fall right back asleep when it was over. Repeat enough times – and take enough prescription cough medicine – and strange things start to happen. Things such as dreaming of Clarkson teaching me how to drive a supercar or James May explaining how something very important works and, my personal favorite, drag racing with Hammond.

One day I woke up and it took me a second to realize I wasn’t participation in one of the Top Gear’s signature challenges (I believe we were racing across a desert). Then I thought “damn, I wish I could be one of their challenges” and then I think I went back to sleep.

Now that my befogged head has started to clear I’ve started to think how that might work. I don’t just want to learn how to drive like a professional driver on a closed course. I want to learn the intricacies of an engine and the subtle nuances between ultra-luxury cars. Who better to teach me all this then three blokes who’ve been yammering on about cars longer than I’ve had my actual license?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete novice. My first car was a 1989 Ford Bronco II. Rubbish. My second, and current, is a 1991 Jeep Cherokee Laredo. I love it. It has no cup holders and the speedometer tells me it can only go 85 mph. For me that’s probably a good thing and it worked well for Dr. Brown. Between these two cars I learned how to check engine fluids and tire pressure. Theoretically I even know how to change a tire. But that’s pretty much it.

Terms like horse power or under-steer are logical enough to figure out but I want to know more. How, for example, does one calculate horse power? Why do some cars have better traction and others send drivers flying around the track like the Tea Cup ride at Disney?

Auto shop wasn’t offered at my high school. Well, if it was I didn’t know about it. If I could have enrolled in such a class I would have. I remember when I was four years old I received a 1957 Chevy Bel-Air Convertible in the form a Barbie car. I fell in love. And when I was six the movers lost our TV but somehow the remote made it to our new house. My parents let me take the now useless gadget apart and I fell in love again. To this day I’m fascinated by both cars and how stuff works.

True, there are plenty of books on the subject and I have a car so I could learn on my own. But let’s face it; my Jeep is not the Sistine Chapel of engineering.

In all honesty I think a challenge like this is a brilliant idea. It’s something completely different from anything Top Gear has ever done. Though, it does mean I’d have to move to England, a place I’ve always wanted to visit, for a period of time and live in the landscapes that inspired Turner and Whistler. Madness! But it also means a female presence on the often politically controversial show, at least for a (very) short period of time. And May, Clarkson, and Hammond get to look like geniuses while I get to expand my knowledge. Win – win.

How hard could it be?